OOE! Obstacles, Obligations and Expectations
27 March 2018
Otherwise known as OOE!
These 3 words pack an almighty punch! Obstacles are usually self-created, whereas Oligations and Expectations can come from others as well as yourself. I believe obstacles, obligations and expectations are the 3 biggest challenges you will face in your weight loss/wellness journey and in overcoming old beliefs about yourself. If you can keep these 3 (OOE) in check, you are well on your way to achieving everything you desire, and living the life you always wanted.
OBSTACLES – These can be self-created, or come from old behaviours, beliefs and patterns. Common obstacles/excuses people use to avoid pursuing or achieving goals include time, family, work, fatigue, relationships, health, current mind state, lack of confidence and lack of self-belief, or prior ‘failure’ when not achieving a desired result. Depending on how much influence we give to any of these perceived obstacles will determine how much they get in our way.
Obviously shit does happen in life – a family member is sick or dies, you lose your job, your relationship ends, there’s a natural disaster – these type of obstacles are different. Because they are mostly out of our control. There is no point beating yourself up about these types of obstacles, or the bumps in the road of life as I call them. Everyone will experience these types of bumps at some point in their life. But the other obstacles? The key is identifying them and coming up with solutions to overcome them BEFORE you come to a grinding halt and run backwards into your old comfort zone. Setting realistic goals to achieve and allowing for life to happen will help you tackle any obstacles as they arise. Remember you will always be your own harshest critic, so practising a bit of patience and kindness with yourself will go a long way with helping you overcome obstacles.
OBLIGATIONS – Who are you obligated to in your life? How many people do you feel you ‘owe’ something to – an explanation, a justification, a favour? How motivated do you feel to achieve or complete a task when you feel obligated to do it for anyone else other than yourself? Does it feel like a burden, pressure or overwhelming in your already busy life? How many times have you just wanted to scream NO!... But then you still did what they wanted anyway! Why? Because you felt you had to? Because you wanted that person to like you or think you are a good person? That is called OBLIGATION! The only person you are responsible to in your life is you. First and foremost. Even if you have children and family, a career or business, if you do not take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally, you cannot look after anyone else effectively for very long. Putting other people’s needs ahead of you own always impacts on you eventually. You aren’t much use to anyone if you are stretched beyond breaking point. It’s not selfish to take some time to do something for yourself or to say no to someone. It’s called self-love and self-care. Start practising it.
EXPECTATIONS – These can be two-fold. Expectations can either be self-created, or they can be from others. Or they can also be what you THINK other people are expecting of you! Confused? Exhausted even reading that? Expectations are something you need to be very clear about within yourself. Particularly in regards to weight loss and bariatric surgery. Try to not have only a weight number as your idea of what success is when trying to lose weight. Also try to focus on the Non-Scale Victories (NSVs). Unrealistic expectations will set you back down that path to not feeling good enough or like a failure. How many times have you been close to a ‘goal’ weight before, only to move the goal posts further away?? So you never really get there or are ‘successful’? You keep shifting your expectations. So how are you ever supposed to feel like you have achieved anything? You then have that reinforcement or old belief that you are a failure or useless, giving you the reason you were looking for to give up and to go back to shitty unhealthy habits and mind states. Ask yourself honestly – how many times have you done this to yourself? The other side of Expectations is when you are doing something (eg having Bariatric surgery) to make or keep someone else happy. To look for their approval or validation. WRONG reason to ever do anything! You will never make that person/people happy, and they will always find something else wrong to complain about. The people in your life should love and accept you for who you are RIGHT NOW.. not how you look or how much you will weigh in 6 months time. If you are doing anything in your life for others without you being first on that list, you may want to take a hard look at why. Wanting to lose weight so you can be active with your children or to be healthy or to feel better about yourself is NOT doing it for someone else. Others around you will benefit as a consequence of you putting your needs as a top priority.
Also don’t expect support from everyone – not everyone is going to support you or be happy for you. That is a tough pill to swallow, but it’s a reality. If you have overweight family or friends, and you change the dynamic of that relationship by losing weight, the relationship may also change. This doesn’t always happen, but it can be hurtful when it does, so best to be prepared. Please remember this: YOU CANNOT STAY FAT AND MISERABLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FAT AND MISERABLE THEMSELVES. Remember why you started your weight loss journey. The people in your life will either come along on that journey with you – or they won’t. Simple as that. That may sound harsh, and the majority of people will support you and want the best for you, but unfortunately the negative people tend to get under your skin more. If you stay strong in yourself, those people will eventually drop away and find someone else to pick on.
Check out TWC Bariatric Programme #4 for more about self-love, self-care, how to say no, building self-confidence and how to overcome the OOE! in everyday life, or contact Vanessa to book an Empower Hour Consultation